AAP guidelines for screen time

The struggle for limiting screen time is something that all parents struggle with.  The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) www.aap.org and www.healthychildren.org have policy statements on their websites that offer recommendations for parents including the following:

• Parents can model effective “media diets” to help their children learn to be selective and healthy in what they consume. Parents need to take an active role in children’s media education by co-viewing programs with them and discussing values.
   
• Make a media use plan, including mealtime and bedtime curfews for media devices. Screens should be kept out of kids’ bedrooms.
   
• Limit entertainment screen time to less than one or two hours per day; in children under 2, discourage screen media exposure. For children under 2, substitute unstructured play and human interaction for screen time. The opportunity to think creatively, problem solve and develop reasoning and motor skills is more valuable for the developing brain than passive media intake.

• Discuss with your children that every place they go on the Internet may be “remembered,” and comments they make will stay there indefinitely. Impress upon them that they are leaving behind a “digital footprint.” They should not take actions online that they would not want to be on the record for a very long time.

• Become familiar with popular social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You may consider having your own profile on the social media sites your children use. By “friending” your kids, you can monitor their online presence. Pre-teens should not have accounts on social media sites. If you have young children, you can create accounts on sites that are designed specifically for kids their age.

• Be firm about not viewing content that is not age appropriate: sex, drugs, violence, etc. Movie and TV ratings exist for a reason, and online movie reviews also can help parents to stick to their rules.

• The Internet can be a wonderful place for learning. But it also is a place where kids can run into trouble. Keep the computer in a public part of your home, so you can check on what your kids are doing online and how much time they are spending there.

Excessive media use has been associated with obesity, lack of sleep, school problems, aggression and other behavior issues. A recent study shows that the average 8- to 10-year-old spends nearly 8 hours a day with different media, and older children and teens spend more than 11 hours per day. Kids who have a TV in their bedroom spend more time with media. About 75 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds own cell phones, and nearly all teenagers use text messaging.
 

The amount of time spent with screens is one issue, and content is another. On the positive side, pro-social media not only can help children and teens learn facts, but it can also help teach empathy, racial and ethnic tolerance, and a whole range of interpersonal skills. Look for media choices that are educational, or teach good values -- choose programming that models good interpersonal skills for children to emulate.

As adults it is our job to teach children healthy media choices and to monitor what our children are watching to ensure that it is age appropriate.  

Book Review - The OK Book

This week in the first grade classrooms I will be presenting a lesson on the importance of trying new things and accepting that some things we are just "OK" doing.  This message is beautifully written in The OK Book by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichtenheld.  The book is simply written and it encourages everyone (including adults) to try many different things in life to figure out what we are just OK doing and what we will be very successful at.  Even though we are not good at everything we try we should remember to have fun experimenting with a myriad of new activities - because after all that's how we will find out what we are really great at.  In the classroom - the students will be thinking of the things they are an "expert" at and the things that they are just "OK" at.  It's important to let children know the things that you are ok at so they are open to that possibility in themselves.  The book talks about being an OK skipper, an OK climber, and an OK lightning bug catcher.  Being OK leads to the discovery of all the things we will eventually or immediately be great at.  In our society, we tend to focus on finding the one thing we are great at.  When we should be focusing on the journey of finding our individual strengths and weaknesses in our lives.







This book is a nice reminder to all of us to engage in life just for the sake of it.  I encourage all of you to find out and celebrate all of the things that you are OK at in your life.

How to stop siblings from squabbling

I'm sure as a parent you've had those moments when you look at your beautiful children and wonder why they won't stop squabbling and screaming at each other over the most minor difficulties.  I have had many of these moments as a parent myself and I was happy to find an article in the recent Parents magazine that gave some solutions to this ongoing issue.  If you are willing to put in the work, and frankly who isn't, you can change the pattern of fighting with your kids.

You can start by referring to your children as a team as much as possible.  Praising their positive interactions and having siblings feel like they are working together instead of opposing each other will naturally help them feel like more of a unit.  Help your children by setting up these situations in your home.  This can be done by providing opportunities such as fort building, baking, and even setting the table together.  

Try to stay out of the conflict resolution as much as possible (unless it is becoming physical, verbally abusive or emotionally heated). If your children have been given the tools to name their emotion and come up with a compromise that will solve the situation they need to have the opportunity to practice and hone these skills.   If you do need to get involved make sure it is in the role of mediator.  Have your children take turns expressing their side of the story - without insults.  Then have them work out solutions to the problem - they may need some adult support in coming up with solutions.  Evenutally, they will learn to resolve their disagreements on their own.

The keys to conflict resolution are in your hands to be taught to your children - learning to express themselves calmly, listen to each other, validate another persons perspective, and come to an agreement.

Time-Out Guidelines

When your child needs a consequence for misbehavior a time-out is a good choice for both of you to be able to calm down without raising your voice.  A time-out involves removing your child from the things he/she enjoys and having the opportunity to re-group.  The time-out area should be a location that is convenient for you.  For example, using a downstairs chair would be inconvenient when the issue happened upstairs.  Ensure that while your child is in time-out they don't have the opportunity to engage in conversation with others or watch a sibling who is playing a game or watching TV.

Time-out should be one quiet minute for every year of your child's life.  Remember the time-out doesn't begin until your child is quiet and calm.  This will be a process and it may take some time to get to those minutes of quiet and calm.  Be patient and calm yourself so as to model for your child the appropriate behavior.  Once the quiet time has begun you may want to use a timer to help yourself remember when the time-out is over and so your child will know to listen for the timer, instead of constantly asking when they can get out.

If your child leaves the time-out area, say nothing and calmly return them to their spot.  This rule also applies if your child misbehaves when in time-out.  Remember your child is looking for a reaction, any reaction from you, so don't give them one!

When your child's time is up, ask them if they feel ready to get up.  If the answer is yes then have your them apologize if necessary and resume their play.  If your child doesn't answer, is rude/yells, or acts angry then start the timer again.

When starting time-outs with your child expalin the process to them, be consistent, do not engage in a conversation with them and ensure that your child is calm before they leave the time-out space.  It will take time to extinguish the problem areas that you are targeting but it is time well spent.

Helping your child learn social skills in the digital world

The holiday season is now over but the digital presents and presence remains.  The question is how do we teach our children the human contact skills they still need in this digital age?  In a recent Parents magazine article from January 2015 they posed this exact question.  Many children struggle with making eye contact, reading body language/tone of voice in others, and having a face-to-face chat with friends and adults.  These deficits exist primarily because of the amount of tech time that children encounter on a day to day basis.  You can help your child learn these necessary skills by modeling proper social skills.  Start by leaving electronics off the table when eating with your family.  Use this time to instead practice conversation skills at the dinner table as a family.  You can encourage everyone to share a good thing about their day and something that made them feel sad, worried, or angry. Encourage everyone at the table to ask questions, listen actively, and offer advice when needed.  

Another way to show your children that personal interactions are more important than digital ones is to hold off on answering that text when you are in the middle of a conversation.  You can also help your child by helping them learn to recognize the nonverbal cues and emotions of others.  This can be done when reading a story together or role-playing.  At these times ask your child how the person is feeling and why they think they are feeling this way.  

Lastly, give your child the opportunity to practice these social skills when out in the community.  Too often we act as our kids' spoke person - we ask the librarian if a book is in at the library, we answer questions for them that friends and family ask them - you get the idea.  Next time you are out in the community, let your child order for themselves at a restaurant, when at the deli counter at the grocery store tell your child to ask for your order, at a store have them ask the employee the location of a certain item.  Have your child call to set up their own play dates - if necessary write a script for them to use during these times to make them feel more comfortable.   Once these steps have been put into place your child may surprise you by initiating a conversation with you instead of staring into a mobile device.  

Introvert or Extrovert?

The terms introvert and extrovert have been used widely as of late.  Have you ever thought of which category your child fits in? It could affect their behavior all year, but particularly during the holiday season with all of the get togethers/concerts/events that they may encounter.  A more introverted personality, as Carl Jung first coined it, is a person who's motives or actions are directed more inward.  Introverts tend to be more preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people.  In short they are shy and can become more anxious when in a large group or when expected to perform.  Introverts need time and support to enter into social situations and they also need gentle coaching in order to feel more successful.  How can you help your introverted child when they encounter these situations?  Start by having play dates at your house to help them feel more comfortable and then slowly widen their circle of comfort until they feel ready to go to a classmates house.  Before a birthday party talk to your child prior to the event and explain that you will stay for a few minutes and then you will leave for the duration of the party and pick them up at the designated time.  At a visit to the playground or the park help your introverted child enter into a group of children, as this may be a very daunting situation for them.  Coach them and then together practice the words to use to enter into an activity or game.  In the community help your child by having them order at a restaurant or a deli counter at a grocery store, have them hand the cashier the money and encourage them to answer questions when asked by the cashier or when you encounter a friend doing errands.  Most importantly, be patient, understanding and supportive while encouraging your child to engage in conversation or play with others.  

An extroverted child, as written by Carl Jung, is a person whose motives and actions are directed outward.  Extroverts are more prone to action than contemplation, they make friends easily, adjust to social situations with ease, and generally show great interest in their surroundings. We live in an extroverted world and those with this personality can navigate through social situations and perform for others with ease.  On the flip side, Extroverts can be very demanding and always want to be on center stage.  Extroverts often need constant stimulation or they can bore easily.  They often have shorter attention spans and they can make quick decisions without thoroughly thinking everything through.  

Extroverts often describe introverts as boring ‘stick in the mud’s’, while they are themselves described as superficial and loud. These perceptions can have a big effect in any kind of relationship.  

Here is how it often works; extroverts get lonely when they are not with people, and often need a variety of people to maintain their interest. Introverts can get lonely when they are surrounded by people- especially if they don’t know them.

It is wrong to think of introverts as being antisocial. They can be as gregarious in their way as an extrovert. It is just that their way will be different. Socializing for them will usually involve people known to them, with conversation occurring in small groups, often with the opportunity available for them to be observers rather than participants. www.hillinghypnotherapy.co.uk

Knowing your own personalities and those of your family members will help you understand each other and empathize with one another.

Morning Routines

If your mornings are anything like mine, with my own two children, you know the benefits to having a morning routine when getting ready for the school day.  Getting out the door is no small feat - kids need to be dressed, teeth and hair brushed, breakfast eaten, backpacks packed and in the winter all the snow gear needs to get out the door as well.  Obviously, all of these responsibilities don't fall on parents shoulders but they need to be shared with your children to give them responsibility and allow for a pleasant morning.  The following tips will allow everyone to leave without bickering and it will leave everyone with a happier start to the day.

The most important tip is to teach your child to take care of their morning routine as independently as possible, without you reminding, taking over or helping when it isn't required.  You need to first decide how much time you need to get your child and yourself out the door in order to get to school on time. Then make a list of the things, include pictures for younger children, that need to be done in the order they need to be completed.  Make sure that backpacks and clothes are picked out the night before to make for an even easier morning.  Hang the list in a visible location for your child and allow them to check items off as they go to feel that sense of accomplishment.  As your child completes each task provide specific praise (nice job getting your teeth brushed, etc) to encourage your child to continue.  If your child gets everything done with time to spare allow them a few minutes of play time before heading out the door.  Lastly, walk out the door on time even if their morning routine isn't complete.  Do not give in to the temptation to nag or scold or do the task for your child.  Chances are they won't want to continue to eat breakfast on the go the next morning and they will complete their tasks on time.
Remember, change takes time.  Plan carefully and keep your patience, even when it is most difficult. Children who have happier mornings at home and arrive to school on time go on to have more successful days at school - which is the goal that we are working towards for everyone!