Zones of Regulation

I have been presenting lessons on the Zones of Regulation to all of the students at HMS.  The Zones of Regulation are concepts used to help students learn how to self-regulate.  The Zones create a system to categorize how the body feels and places all of your emotions into four easily recognizable colored zones (blue, green, red and yellow).

THE BLUE ZONE IS USED TO DESCRIBE A LOW STATE OF ALERTNESS.

*FEELINGS SUCH AS SAD, TIRED, SICK OR BORED ARE IN THE BLUE ZONE.

THE GREEN ZONE IS USED TO DESCRIBE AN IDEAL STATE OF ALERTNESS.

*FEELINGS SUCH AS CALM, HAPPY, FOCUSED, OR CONTENT ARE IN THE GREEN ZONE.

*WE ARE IN CONTROL WHEN WE ARE IN THE GREEN ZONE.

THE RED ZONE IS USED TO DESCRIBE AN EXTREMELY HEIGHTENED STATE OF ALERTNESS.

*WHEN YOU ARE IN THE RED ZONE YOU MAY BE EXPERIENCING RAGE, EXPLOSIVE BEHAVIOR, PANIC, EXTREME GRIEF, TERROR OR ELATION.

THE YELLOW ZONE IS A HEIGHTENED STATE OF ALERTNESS.

*WHEN YOU ARE IN THE YELLOW ZONE YOU MAY BE EXPERIENCING STRESS, FRUSTRATION, ANXIETY, EXCITEMENT, SILLINESS OR FEAR.

*IN THE YELLOW ZONE YOU ARE MAINTAINING SOME LEVEL OF CONTROL.

The Zones are very user friendly and you can easily incorporate the language at home with your children.  Be sure to ask your kids about what they are learning! 

Source: Zones of Regulation by Leah Kuypers

Apologizing

We've all been there - our children make a mistake and we rush in to demand they apologize.  It turns out there is a better way to show children that even though they misbehaved they aren't "bad".   Try helping your child calm down first and giving them some time to collect their thoughts.  Once they are calm, talk about how their behavior has affected someone else by giving concrete examples that they will understand and relate to.  Then talk it through together to help them figure out what they could do next time instead of making the poor choice.  Since, we can't take the words or actions away, help your child think about what they can do to make the other person feel better. They may want to draw them a picture or share a toy together - which will help your child understand that they are responsible for correcting their own mistakes.  Lastly, encourage and guide your child to apologize for their actions.  This could be done verbally or written depending on the child's comfort level.  Following these steps will help teach your child to mean their apology instead of simply forcing them to apologize.  Once you have guided them to an apology be sure to compliment your child for helping make someone feel better and taking responsibility.  By following these steps we can teach our children to take responsibility for their mistakes instead of simply saying the rote words, "I'm sorry".

You may also want to read a story such as Sorry! by Trudy Ludwig.  In this children's book, the author emphasizes how to take ownership of our actions and right our wrong.  It also acknowledges how their is a whole lot more to apologizing than a careless word tossed out.
 

The effects of intense emotions

Emotions, particularly intense emotions send our body into overdrive and can cause complex physical responses.  When we're angry our heart rate increases, adrenaline flows and blood pressure spikes.  Anxiety is a shockingly complex disorder, and one that can completely change your body's chemistry. The stress that anxiety puts on your body can lead to a host of different issues. One of the most common is stomach pain but it can also lead to vomiting, nausea or diarrhea.  Anxiety releases epinephrine, which causes the body to produce extra levels of stomach acid. That acidity causes the lining in the esophagus to become irritated, and this can lead to not only stomach pain, but also nausea and vomiting. Due to the extra acids in your stomach if anxiety is left  untreated it can lead to additional health concerns.  

Learning how to regulate our emotions more effectively will drastically improve these intense feelings.  Follow these tips when your emotions are on overdrive to help regulate your body; 

*Eat healthy - include fruits, vegetables, water, whole grain carbohydrates in your regular diet  

* Breathe deeply

* Exercise

*Take a break and do something that you enjoy

*Visualize yourself facing and conquering your fears

* Get support from family or friends

*Make a plan as to how you are going to tackle the problem and feel in control again

* Rest and recharge

* Try peppermint tea, ginger, crackers, toast or whatever comfort food helps calm your upset stomach

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Sources:  http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/stomach-pain

www.webmd.com/parenting/.../anxiety-stress-and-stomachaches

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New study shows the #1 reason that kids are bullied

In a recent study done by Dr. Puhl, deputy director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at the University of Connecticut in Hartford, it was found that bullying about body size is more common than kids being bullied for any other reason.  Below are the results of the study.

47% of those surveyed listed body size/being overweight as the number one reason for children being bullied.
Tied with 11% each were physical disabilities and race.
Coming in at 9% was sexual orientation.
Family income constituted 4%.
Academic ability was listed 3% of the time.
Religion was 2% of the survey.
Lastly, 13% listed "other" as the reason that children are bullied.

How to stop saying No

We all resort to the reflexive no when we are asked a request from our child - often we barely hear the request.  I'm as guilty of this as many parents are, particularly when I'm stressed or when I can't handle all of their requests.  Instead of saying no - these three alternatives will help give kids some age- appropriate control over their world.

1.  Instead of saying "No" say..."You're really growing up!  From now on, I'm going to let you be responsible for certain things."
This alternative can be used during the morning routine which is stressful for many families.  Instead of badgering your child to get dressed, eat and get out the door teach your child to get up and manage their own morning routine.  Turning over the responsibility to your child will empower them to make their own choices while still getting the job done.  Let your child know what needs to happen every morning, give them the tools they need and make it clear that they are responsible for getting it done. Saying to your child you've shown how responsible you can be and you are now in charge of your morning will make it happen and your child will feel the pride they deserve.

2.  Instead of saying "No" say..."When you finish X, you may enjoy Y."
Let you child know that when all of the must do activities are finished then they can enjoy their free time.  Once children have the information they need they won't be checking with you all the time and you won't be saying no all of the time.

3.  Instead of "No" say..."Let's talk about it."
As our children grow up they gain more responsibility and they encounter new opportunities.  When faced with a new request respond with, "let's talk about that."  Ask your child why it is important to them, if I say yes to the request what are some important things that you need to remember to do, and lastly what can I as your parent do to help you be more successful.  It is important to let your kids know that we are listening to them, taking their needs and desires into account and considering them.

Source:  Parents magazine - January 2016